Guilty Working Mom
Something strange is happening with my daughter.
She is acting sick and even looks kind of sick. You know, in the eyes. Where she looks kind of heavy-eyed. She has a runny nose, but nothing really nasty or severe. I’ve looked all in her mouth to make sure she’s not teething. No redness or swelling.
I really don’t know what is going on with her.
It started Monday. Christina said that afternoon, she couldn’t leave the room without Lyric freaking out. She is so not like that, so it was strange. Monday night she was in such a bad mood. If one of her cousins started getting in her face, she would scream at them and try to push them away. She’s not normally like that. She normally laughs when they do that.
Then Tuesday, once again, clingy and fussy all day. We went out to a movie that night, so she stayed with a babysitter. The babysitter said she didn’t have any problems with her. But I didn’t think to ask if she had to hold her the entire time. That night she woke up like 3 or 4 times crying even though she had her passy in her mouth (VERY unusual). Eventually I just got her up and brought her in bed with me and she wanted to lay directly on me. If I would try to shift her to the side and put her in the crook of my arm, she would start crying and crawl back onto my chest.
Then yesterday Christina said she didn’t nap well and was sooooo clingy. She just wanted to be held or on her lap. Last night was by far the worst. She wouldn’t play, wouldn’t eat. She just wanted to be in my arms. The only way I could get her to eat the baby food, was by putting her in my lap and feeding her. This is EXTREMELY unusual. I was trying to do laundry and wash dishes (by hand, because remember the dishwasher isn’t working) and she wouldn’t let me put her down. If she thought I was about to put her down, she would cling to my arm like I was about to throw her into a fire pit. She napped on me for like an hour and a half after I got home, which is again, highly unusual. Sometimes she might doze around 6pm, but never for longer than 20-30 minutes or so. This was a good hour and a half, maybe 2 hour nap. I finally put her to bed around 10 and she only woke up once. But this morning, it started again. I was trying to get ready and she just wouldn’t let me put her down.
I really don’t know what is going on with her. I am thinking it’s some sort of separation anxiety. Her daddy has been out of town for almost 2 weeks. He is the one that gets her ready in the morning. They have a little routine and I’m thinking that maybe she just misses him and that routine and feels disjointed.
It may have just started on Monday because I dropped her off Wednesday and Thursday, but I didn’t go to work on Friday, so we spent a long weekend together. Maybe she just got used to me being around so much and doesn’t like that I’m leaving. Which of course BREAKS my heart because I really want to be home with her more.
Yesterday, when I talked to Christina and she told me how clingy she was being, I broke down (I was on my lunch break) and cried after I got off the phone because I want to be able to be there for my daughter when she is feeling insecure. But this stupid health insurance situation is keeping me from doing that. Which is dumb. But we’ve just been so screwed by the healthcare system with Lyric’s birth that I don’t want to be in that situation again. I want to have another baby soon and I don't want to be in debt another $12,000. We can't qualify for CHIP because we make too much $$ (even if I was part time). Plus, if I went part time, we would still need about $400 to stay with our current budget, which I know we could probably come up with. Heck, I could possibly make that much on my blog if I did it right…
Anyways, I’m feeling really guilty today and I'm just feeling like I’m not doing my job as a mom. I feel like I’m not giving her the stability that she needs and I’m feeling like I am neglecting my daughter.
I’m trying to balance my life and the Career Destiny is outweighing the Mommy Destiny and I just don’t like it. I’m more fulfilled as the Mommy Destiny… God knows my heart and I am just believing that He will work it all out.
But until then, I’m a guilty working mom.
Jon comes home tomorrow. Thank God. We both miss him so much and I need my husband back soon!
Please pray for Lyric and for me. I’m really, really tired and beat down.
Thanks.
PS. I love you Jonathan and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!
She is acting sick and even looks kind of sick. You know, in the eyes. Where she looks kind of heavy-eyed. She has a runny nose, but nothing really nasty or severe. I’ve looked all in her mouth to make sure she’s not teething. No redness or swelling.
I really don’t know what is going on with her.
It started Monday. Christina said that afternoon, she couldn’t leave the room without Lyric freaking out. She is so not like that, so it was strange. Monday night she was in such a bad mood. If one of her cousins started getting in her face, she would scream at them and try to push them away. She’s not normally like that. She normally laughs when they do that.
Then Tuesday, once again, clingy and fussy all day. We went out to a movie that night, so she stayed with a babysitter. The babysitter said she didn’t have any problems with her. But I didn’t think to ask if she had to hold her the entire time. That night she woke up like 3 or 4 times crying even though she had her passy in her mouth (VERY unusual). Eventually I just got her up and brought her in bed with me and she wanted to lay directly on me. If I would try to shift her to the side and put her in the crook of my arm, she would start crying and crawl back onto my chest.
Then yesterday Christina said she didn’t nap well and was sooooo clingy. She just wanted to be held or on her lap. Last night was by far the worst. She wouldn’t play, wouldn’t eat. She just wanted to be in my arms. The only way I could get her to eat the baby food, was by putting her in my lap and feeding her. This is EXTREMELY unusual. I was trying to do laundry and wash dishes (by hand, because remember the dishwasher isn’t working) and she wouldn’t let me put her down. If she thought I was about to put her down, she would cling to my arm like I was about to throw her into a fire pit. She napped on me for like an hour and a half after I got home, which is again, highly unusual. Sometimes she might doze around 6pm, but never for longer than 20-30 minutes or so. This was a good hour and a half, maybe 2 hour nap. I finally put her to bed around 10 and she only woke up once. But this morning, it started again. I was trying to get ready and she just wouldn’t let me put her down.
I really don’t know what is going on with her. I am thinking it’s some sort of separation anxiety. Her daddy has been out of town for almost 2 weeks. He is the one that gets her ready in the morning. They have a little routine and I’m thinking that maybe she just misses him and that routine and feels disjointed.
It may have just started on Monday because I dropped her off Wednesday and Thursday, but I didn’t go to work on Friday, so we spent a long weekend together. Maybe she just got used to me being around so much and doesn’t like that I’m leaving. Which of course BREAKS my heart because I really want to be home with her more.
Yesterday, when I talked to Christina and she told me how clingy she was being, I broke down (I was on my lunch break) and cried after I got off the phone because I want to be able to be there for my daughter when she is feeling insecure. But this stupid health insurance situation is keeping me from doing that. Which is dumb. But we’ve just been so screwed by the healthcare system with Lyric’s birth that I don’t want to be in that situation again. I want to have another baby soon and I don't want to be in debt another $12,000. We can't qualify for CHIP because we make too much $$ (even if I was part time). Plus, if I went part time, we would still need about $400 to stay with our current budget, which I know we could probably come up with. Heck, I could possibly make that much on my blog if I did it right…
Anyways, I’m feeling really guilty today and I'm just feeling like I’m not doing my job as a mom. I feel like I’m not giving her the stability that she needs and I’m feeling like I am neglecting my daughter.
I’m trying to balance my life and the Career Destiny is outweighing the Mommy Destiny and I just don’t like it. I’m more fulfilled as the Mommy Destiny… God knows my heart and I am just believing that He will work it all out.
But until then, I’m a guilty working mom.
Jon comes home tomorrow. Thank God. We both miss him so much and I need my husband back soon!
Please pray for Lyric and for me. I’m really, really tired and beat down.
Thanks.
PS. I love you Jonathan and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!
Labels: Lyric, working mom
posted by Des at
Thursday, February 28, 2008
7 Comments:
I'm so sorry Des. Sometimes having to be an adult sucks. Lord i speak peace and comfort over Lyric right now, and peace and clarity over Destiny, Lord Ipray that you will illuminate the paths that she needs to take as mom and in her career. i rebuke the spirit of guilt right now in Jesus name.
i know kinda cheesy to pray in a comment, but God answers stranger things.:)
Love ya Des
I'm so sorry Destiny. We will be praying for you. I almost had to stay at home because we needed the health insurance and we prayed about it for months before Abby was born. It was a desire of my heart to stay at home but it just wasn't making since on paper. We took a step of faith and God has provided the whole way through. He provided insurance for us and Chris' business has had the busiest season yet. He will take care of you guys even when it doesn't make a lick of sense. I'm sure part of Lyric's week is because she misses her Daddy. Have you tried getting insurance on your own? Chris had to do that since he owns his own business and he went through Unicare. It's a really good deal too. Hang in there, God will give you the desire of your heart to be at home with Lyric. :)
I know. I just have to keep my chin up :) I really enjoy my job, but I wish I could just work 2-3 days a week... so we'll see.
Thanks.
I bet she just misses Jon. She has never really been away from him before. Korbin would freak out if I left for almost 2 weeks. When he comes home she will be better.
I am sure its that she is missing her daddy... Just like you are missing him...... only a few more short hours....
and I thought Brad shull was boycotting you on here. Guess not.
hope you day gets a lil better.
Destiny,
I am a sorority sister of Marian Briscoe and for some reason I clicked on your myspace account after looking at Marian's page one day while I was just hanging out at home. I started reading your blogs because they made me feel better about myself. I am a mom of a 2 year old and sometimes I feel like I am the only young mom out there, but then I read your blogs and think oh my goodness...I am not the only one who has experienced this with work, child and husband. Anyway, I enjoy reading your blog and I think you are an inspiration to young moms. I too am a working mom and it is hard to balance everything. Also, it sounds like Lyric has an ear infection. My son, Scotty, acted the same way when he was 18 months and it was an ear infection. Keep blogging! I enjoy your stories.
Hopefully, you don't think I am a weirdo! ask marian!
Christina
Thanks Christina!
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