I need something...
I need something to look forward to. You know what I mean?
I've gotten into this rut, where my life is the same, day in and day out. I'm not totally happy with where it is, yet getting out of the rut seems daunting and I feel like I'll be stuck here forever.
I want to keep my life moving forward, not standing still.
I keep trying to figure out what's it going to take for me to be completely content. But you know what? I don't think there is an answer for that. I think there will always be a part of me wanting something more, I think it's a God given desire to never be satisfied and always wanting more. But there is a place where I need to come to that I can be content.
I'm not content right now.
I feel like I work too much and there are things as a mother that I'm neglecting. There are behavioral issues I see forming in my extremely strong-willed daughter that I know I can nip in the bud now, but it's hard when you just spend evenings and weekends with her.
I need to finish school, come on people, I have 3 classes left and just can not find the time to be able to get-her-done! That's ridiculous.
I just don't have anything to look forward to right now. No vacation anytime soon. No special event. Just the regular monotony of life.
It's honestly beating me down.
I think I'm so blah right now probably due to the lack of sleep, but the facts are true. I'm just not happy with my present life schedule and have no idea how to change it.
Any ideas? I'm almost willing to try anything that would get me home more and allow me to have insurance. But there is also a thresh hold of how much money I need to make per month, so it's not like I could just quit and work 20 hours a week at Starbucks.
I need guidance. I need an "And Suddenly" moment like never before.
Labels: life
posted by Des at
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
6 Comments:
again, at the same time, me too. although i'm back to blaming mine on the weather. again. i wish there were a cure for people like us, because i know, it's not really the weather or maybe for you the job, it could be perfect and it would only be a matter of time before the incessable urge for LIFE!!! returned. i need that unwavering contentness, tell me when you find it.
You and Jon need to sit down and look at the numbers! How much will you save if you don't have to pay a babysitter? How much gas will you save...etc? And if you really feel its in God's will just go for it. Things always find a way to work out. You will be surprised at how easy the adjustment will be.
There are only a handful of part time jobs that offer full benefits and I don't think you would like any of them. Its not fun to work at those places but if you really want to have a free schedule you find a way to compromise and get over it.
I pray that you will have that "And Suddenly" moment too!
Good luck Destiny.
YOu can look forward to seeing me this weekend!!!!
I just read a post on Bonnie Wilk's blog about this very thing. Too long to paste, but here's the link below. Godliness with contentment is GREAT GAIN. I sometimes get so restless and then the LORD reminds me to look for what He's teaching me, preparing me for and embrace it.
You're doing a good job, Destiny!
http://bonya.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/the-sanctuary-of-the-ordinary/#more-905
This is the funny thing about being a Christian...you have to always know that NOTHING will fill the emptiness but more of God. I SO know how you feel & it is very real, but I always think of it as a test to my being satisfied in Christ. It's such a typical feeling of wanting more..more kids, a better job, a better place to live, etc. But we simply have to remember we will generaly always feel this unless we ARE about to go through a big change. At some point we have to stop having kids, moving, changing jobs, churches so we might as well learn to be content (in the good sense of the word) now. God created those things to add to our life not to compete with Him ( & I know you know that). You WILL get through this and...I agree with Mabs, if you want it bad enough you can make it happen-ESPECIALLY YOU DES! If you want to see Lyric more you can. I'm going through the same delimma. Steve doesn't make enough for us to be a 1 income family so I'm fretting as I look for jobs in CA online, I CAN NOT leave Zealan, I don't have it in me so I'm searching high & low for a job where I can be with him. I do not want to work in childcare anymore at all, but I want to stay with my son more so if that's what it takes, I'll do it. You have all the potential in the world, I just know there's the perfect job out there for you where you can spend quality time with Lil too. I'll be praying for you & I mean it. Good luck with everything, God WILL provide!!-Embry
I can so totally relate. I think there are definitely some people who can sit back and be content, and there are others that are always searching for and wanting more. I don't think either of those are bad qualities in and of themself...we need both kinds of people in the world. I always want more and am always incorporating some sort of change or new things in my life to keep me excited. I think I get bored with total monotony. But I also think it is my search for "worldly" happiness. There are so many things that could, will, and do make me happy and I want to do all of them! Still trying to figure out how to make that happen. I'm just trying to enjoy the journey and not just focus on the destination!
And I definitely do not feel it's wrong to want "everything" and try to get it.
-Stephanie G.
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