The Woes of Motherhood
*WARNING- this blog is a long rant about how frustrated I am with motherhood. proceed with a sympathetic mind*I'm sure mother's have this feeling quite often, but it was really overwhelming for me this weekend.
My daughter was on a rampage with her 2 favorite words "NO" and "MINE".
OMG, I've never been so frustrated and tired.
Jonathan was gone all weekend at a bachelor party, which left me and Lyric to fend for ourselves.
Friday night we decided to have a late night (8pm) swim at my parent's house. We brought some dinner over because we didn't have shabbat dinner that night, and then went swimming. Normally Lyric just sits on the steps and is normally ok and not too high maintenance when we swim. OH no. Not this time. This time she decided that she could swim just as well as her cousins and kept going off the side and off the step and under the water. I would pull her out and she would just sputter, then smile. Not even cry. Then she would immedaitely start squirmming trying to get out of my arms so she could go back in the water, off the edge again... so it was not a relaxing experience! She was stressing me out! I put floaties on her, but she has no balance, so she goes backwards and forwards in them. Then we get out, I take her swimsuit and swim diaper off outside, have her wrapped in a towel and go into my parent's living room to put her clothes on. The moment I put her on the ground, she runs off towards the toys and I immediately go run after her, but in that 5 seconds she was free, she decided to pee all over the floor. Fun times. Then I had her dressed and we went back down by the pool and she kept trying to get back in and was crying and throwing a fit when I wouldn't let you let her. I didn't have a passy, so that meant we needed to leave.
I get her home and in bed. But around 3am, she wakes up crying.
Normally Jon jumps up immediately because he never lets her cry it out, but he was gone. So I went in there and patted her back and got her to lay back down and I thought she fell back asleep, but by the time I get in my bed, she's crying, "mama, mama, mama". So I decide to let her cry it out, because hey, I'm a mom. I can sleep through crying and I was exhausted. Well I do fall back asleep, but I wake up like 30 minutes later and she's STILL crying. So I get her up and take her in bed with me and she falls asleep, tossing and turning, so at around 5 I take her back in her bed, where she stays asleep till 9:30.... LONG night.
Then my sister calls and wants to know if I want to go to breakfast (Nathan is gone also). So I'm like sure. So we pack up the kiddos (her two oldest spent the night with my mom) and we head out to Cracker Barrel. We called Abby who decided to join us with Sophie and Korbin.
We ate, but of course it's always a little stressful dealing with a table of 5 kids all 2 and under. But we managed. We then decide to go to Abby's house who so graciously (after we begged her and bugged her) said she would do our hair.
On our way to Abby's house, we get a call from the guys who say they are home for like 30 minutes and they "have a surprise for us", not a big one, but for us to come home. So we drive all the way back home (ok, only like 10 minutes, but still), and we walk in the door all excited, expecting something sweet for them abandoning us to go party, and they are standing there in their new suits they got for the wedding. They are really nice custom suits, but still, they are their suits.
And just in case you were wondering, yes that was their surprise. They wanted to show us their suits. Isn't that a great surprise for us! Courtney acted like she was happy, but I was like, "you made me drive all the way back here when I was on the way to get my HAIR DONE so you could show me your suit, which you can show me any time because I live with you?"
So that was a waste of 30 minutes. But we pick up Ashlyn and Madysen and head over to Abby's house.
So now we have 7, yes 7 kids ages 5 and under at Abby's house.
Things were fine, but nap time was soon approaching. She does have 4 bedrooms, so that makes it a little easier and thankfully Courtney had a pack-n-play. So we start getting kids down for naps (in between foils, bleach and hair cuts). Brad came home in between a photo shoot, so he was in his office, so we decided to put the pack-n-play/Lyric in the guest bathroom. Lyric goes down very easy as she was tired.
Well unfortunately, neither of us informed Brad of our plan and he walks in there and Lyric wakes up after about 15 minutes (TOTALLY not your fault Brad). And of course, no matter what I do, I can NOT get her to go back to bed.
So now I have a napless child on my hands who is already on a rampage that day.
So then let's get into the wonderful behavioral problems I've been dealing with.
First off, let's deal with the not sitting still while mommy is changing your clothes/diaper. We've never had an issue with this. I never have had to fight her to sit still during diaper changes or anything. We dealt with that early on and she now just knows she has to sit still. But this week? Oh she's pushing the boundaries. Squirming and trying to roll over, sticking her hands down there, just wanting me to go insane.
Then we have the "Lyric, come to mamma" then her looking at me with a gleam in her eye that says "now the fun begins" and turns in the OPPOSITE direction and takes off in a run squealing thinking this is some sort of game....
Then we have the newest word of "mine" that she perfected while we were at Abby's on Saturday. She constantly grabbed toys out of other kids hands and would get into a "MINE" fight with Korbin... I thought I was going to go insane! She just was not obeying!
I do realize that I need to start being more forceful with my discipline. Swatting her a few times on the leg is not doing anything anymore (yes I spank her- believe me, sitting her in "time out" would not work). I'm going to have to start being more forceful with my discipline, but I'm so focused on making sure she knows why she's getting disciplined, "you can't run away from mommy. That is disobeying and when you disobey you get a spanking. Mommy loves you that's why I want you to obey me immediately..." blah, blah, that by the time I'm done with my speech, and her looking at me with those wide eyes saying "ss'mm" (yes mam), I just don't have the desire to be real forceful in her spanking. But I know the point needs to get across.
My sister/Abby really encouraged me that day and pointed out that what I am doing is not enough, and I did give her one good spanking that really made a difference in her attitude I could tell. It's just HARD!
Every parent is different the way they parent. Even though my sister is an incredible mom/disciplinarian, I can't mimic everything my sister does because our kids are different and our own personalities are different. Finding that line of who you are as a parent and a disciplinarian is so hard because the line is always moving. Your kids are always evolving and maturing and your constantly having to adjust.
Jonathan is SO much better at it than me and I tend to let him discipline her the most. But then the problem is she acts fine for him, but not fine for me if he's not around- hence this weekend.
So anyways, we had a fun time at Abby's, but by 8:30p, with Lyric having no nap, Kadyn having just a short nap, Court and I were ready to get our kids in bed!
Lyric, who normally doesn't hit the hay till around 9:30, was zonked out in the car on the way back home and she was asleep in her bed before 9, and I didn't hear a peep from her all night.
I was sitting in bed trying to go to sleep that night and I was just so tired and so frustrated and I felt like all I did all day was spank her. And that all I did all weekend was have a battle of wills with her. I just felt like a failure! I know it's silly, but I just did.
Then on Sunday I was on worship team, so I had to wake her up early a little before 8. She was immediately in a bad mood and her bad mood did not change that whole day.
By the time we were at lunch after Church and she was crying and fussing and stealing books from her cousins and then hanging on for dear life yelling "MINE" I just about had it. I felt my blood boiling and I really did feel like slapping her upside the head. I know that sounds dramatic, but that's how I felt! I couldn't decide if I should burst into tears or scream right there in the middle of On the Border. I just looked at Jon and said, I need to get away from her.
She fell asleep in the car, so of course when I put her in her bed, she thought she had already taken a nap and wasn't ready to go to sleep. I just threw her baby doll and a book in her crib and left her in there. I could hear her talking, but she wasn't crying. I fell asleep and woke up like 30 minutes later and could still hear her talking (not crying or even calling for me), I fell back asleep and woke up an hour later and didn't hear anything. I fell back asleep again and this time woke up to her calling for me.
So I got like an almost 3 hour nap that day.
Then my sister called and her and my mom and wanted to go see the new Batman movie. So we left all the kiddos and had a good time!
I really needed that and Jon was due for some parenting alone time, so I didn't feel bad.
OK, all of that to say, I'm just really frustrated with my daughter. I know what I need to do to fix it, so I'm not at a loss. She just needs stricter boundaries. She doesn't act like it at home, it's just when we are out or around other kids. So I'm going to just spend some time with my nieces this week to specifically put her in those situations and then come down really strict on Lyric to deal with this.
It just makes me so tired...
BUT I started my new schedule this week and I get off early tomorrow to go to the doctor, so I have an easy work week, so we should be fine. I really think my new schedule is going to infuse a lot of life in me. Especially since I haven't been nauseous for the past few days. Still dealing with headaches, but I would take a headache any day over throwing up.
Well this was a really long blog, but I just needed to vent. So if you made it this far, you are a true reader! :)
Labels: Lyric
posted by Des at
Monday, July 21, 2008
11 Comments:
This is funny because I think all parents go through this. Korbin was really really really fussy this morning and I had to spank him first thing to "adjust" his attitude. Its the only way he will stop fussing and realize he has to be good.
I have a hard time spanking also, it just seems barbaric at times, but its the only thing that works for him.
Your doing a good job! Keep fighting the good fight though or they might end up like ... well, no need to name names! haha
Lyric is just a little over a year old, right? Oy, hard stage!! I remember feeling the same way, its no fun having to spank!! But NOW is the time to really be diligent, if you aren't, there will always be certain areas where you will constantly struggle with her! I am glad that you know what you need to do, and its great that you have support around! I was the only one I knew with little ones who disciplined that way, but if anything seeing how out of control other kids were just drove home what I already knew...the only thing I think that may help? When you see shes done something wrong, don't take a long time to explain what she did...after awhile, she'll get lost as to what shes in trouble for. Not that she doesn't need to know, it just can't be a conversation, or those big beautiful baby eyes will get to you, and your resolve will melt!! Believe me, they know what they're doing...Ethan is such a comedian, I have to seriously fight not howling out loud with laughter at some of the things he's said to get out of trouble!! Being a Mom is REALLY hard some days, and there are stages where it just feels like you're always the bad guy...no fun at all, but necessary if we want them to thrive in life...keep up the hard work, you're not the only one who's felt this way!!
ha! I could have written the exact same blog. Oh one year olds....
I go through days like this with Clay. More so now than I did when I worked since I am with him all day. I also spank, and like Brad says, it seems barbaric at times, it is the ONLY thing that works with him. He is finally getting the hang of "no" so maybe we can start dealing with him in a different way. But believe me, you are definitely NOT the only one who is dealing with this right now. I hope that you are able to work with her this weekend and figure out some new boundaries with her. Good luck. Let me know if you figure anything that out that might be helpful with Clay :-)
It's been many, many years and I still remember that it was very frustrating and sometimes I felt like all I did for 2 years was spank my daughter every day!!! People that meet her now have a hard time believing that. So, just stick to it ! It's also true that every child is different and what works with one doesn't necessarily work with another. You are doing a great job! It's not an easy one but a rewarding one.
This is soooooo familiar..... I understand COMPLETELY!!
i could just hug you to smithereens! there is nothing in this post that constitutes the disclaimer at the beginning. and everything you wrote about: the trials, the frustrations, the unruly child, finding the boundries and how you want to implement them, the husbands in suits, etc... it's more than normal, it's every mom's first year. by the sound of it, your doing just fine!!!
I'm so sorry Des, I know how hard it is to have a strong willed child (Jennifer). There were days that I thought I was going to kill her. Thanks to your mom and Lynn, I learned how to discipline the right way. Which you already know, and you started it out that way. She is just off on a rabbit trail and it will be easy for you to get her in hand. You can do it! Just remember, it is a battle of wills, and of COURSE you will WIN!!!
I can totally relate. We are having constant "battle of the wills" at our house and it's so hard to lay down the law. It's constant and I feel like I'm telling her "no" all day long. Let me know if you discover any new tips that help Lyric that might help Abby too. I hope you have a great week!
I don't know of any parent who doesn't have days like this!! I hate spanking but I was spanked as a child, and I know that my parents did what was best for me. It is definitely something that speaks volumes. The battle of will is something that goes on in my house on a daily basis, so I can totally feel you. It is really encouraging to see a mom so real. It is nice to know that there are other parents out there who go through this same thing. It makes me realize that my kids are not the only ones who act up in public places or who through temper tantrums. It is nice to know that I am not the only mom who feels like slapping her kid upside the head every now and then or who wants to break down in tears or scream. But you are right, setting boundries are so important and each child is definitely different. Your a great mom Destiny, you have such love and compassion for Lyric. But for every bad day there are 2 good days to come. :)
You're doing a great job Des! Just be consistent. That's the key. I love my little niece and sometime you just can't help but laugh at her when she is being naughty. Her facial expressions are the best priceless :)
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